Faerie Schlinks

Once upon an island, not so far away, a horse-featured prince/duke married a beautiful young lady, daughter of parents, who amongst other things, give a 10% discount on Justin Bieber-themed parties. The entire kingdom, and the lands beyond, were transfixed to their LCD Wide Colour Gamut-CCFC crystal balls to witness the joyous event. The bride and groom were so in love that they decided to get off before the going away, to the utter aural stupefaction of the frowning flower girl.

The jubilant royal couplet, determined on being one with all the social strata in their kingdom, refrained not from having a Cthulhu-themed princess displaying a headpiece that subtly hints at the mighty antediluvian deity.

If saccharine tales are not really your cuppa, if you look for more engaging stories with bare-chested men and bare-breasted females (sort of), then you might want to check the Deppster’s forthcoming Pirates of the Caribbean film, the fourth one in the series, complete with evil pirates, treasure and mermaids.

Or else you might want to check a similar film that is different from the one above in one important way… it’s actually very good.

Your idea of a fairy tale might contain orcs, dragons and vertically-challenged glorified gnomes with hairy feet, in which case you’d definitely want to Like-Click Peter Jackson’s Facebook page. It is constantly being updated with the latest Hobbit film goodies.

If you are more partial towards scantily-clad female Brazilian singers who are the bastard children of Shakira, Jesus and Clinton Paul’s artistic director, then you HAVE to devote a few minutes watching this music video. (Priceless moment: Vixen on motorbike rescuing a half-naked hunk from Matrix agents.) Strictly speaking, it is sword and sorcery, not fairy tale; but hell, whoever made this must surely inhabit the land of nine-hued rainbows and fornicating unicorns.

Speaking of which: Screwnicorns! (Kidding you not I am.)

Alas, chivalrous men in shining armour and heroic underdogs will soon be waived aside by the ruthless arm of science. According to the Guardian, nefarious villains might become a thing of the past. No more slicing through giants’ innards, or fearlessly braving intimidating castle walls. All you gotta do is pop one of these pills in the evil queen’s cider and, hey presto!, the dark side is annihilated.

But let us not conclude this schlinks on a bleak note. Over at io9 there is a beautiful gallery of pictures depicting the land of faerie, and Maltese artist Lisa Falzon has some stunning images inspired by fairy tales, this being my absolute favourite.

And they all lived happily ever after.


1 Comment

  1. […] 1, 2011 in schlinks | Tags: fairy-tales, schlock magazine The May schlinks is up and it’s all about […]

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